


The starlight

by May_Kirishima



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Canon Compliant, Drama, F/M, Global Dynamics, Hurt/Comfort, Original Character(s), Romance, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:48:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23249509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/May_Kirishima/pseuds/May_Kirishima
Summary: Love is like a starlight. Billions of lights are lit in the chest, warming the entire body from the inside. But they, in comparison with the real stars, can fade away if the heart is breaking to smithereens. And to revive this light is within the power of only a being who has experienced a similar grief.
Relationships: Kaworu/May, Nagisa Kaworu/Original Character(s)
Kudos: 1
Collections: Neon Genesis Evangelion





	1. Black striped T-shirt

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Звёздное сияние](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23532766) by [May_Kirishima](https://archiveofourown.org/users/May_Kirishima/pseuds/May_Kirishima). 



> Starlight is a work that Kaworu inspired me to do. I tried to put all my feelings on paper (sounds weird, huh. We think that the electronic page is also considered) for the sake of it. I will be very grateful if you appreciate my work, which I decided to share with other Lilin.

— Why are you doing this to me? — Kirishima held out her hand to get back the T-shirt of her first love — it is Tasuke-san, but he coldly looked at her and shook his head. — Bring it back... Please...

The girl took a step forward, but the man grabbed her hand, preventing her from touching the T-shirt. It meant nothing to him, although for May it was the only and last source of warmth which she lacked so much. First love made Kirishima experience a storm of strange emotions overwhelming her fragile young body every day. Sometimes she wanted to tell absolutely everyone about her feelings, but right now she is unbearably hurted.

— It's important to me, — May said, her eyes squinted as she felt a hard grip on her wrist. — Tasuke-san, I love it!

— Cease, — the man frowned slightly, straightening his long hair, and tossed the clothing aside. The black pinstriped T-shirt fell next to a trash can that was near the entrance to Tasuke's apartment. — These are children's games. It will pass. Stop chasing me! I said a long time ago that I would never be with you.

Kirishima's eyes got wet, although she tried to hold back her tears. She was physically hurt because her bones almost cracked from a tight grip, but the morale was much stronger. Her heart was contracting, and her breathing was gradually lost, and the girl couldn’t get enough air into her lungs.

— I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore. Especially after what you did to my girlfriend, — the man loosened his grip slightly, and May was finally able to free herself. She took a couple of steps back, banging her back against the wall and froze in place. “How could he find out?! This is impossible!" These thoughts were spinning in the girl’s head while she tried to concentrate on the conversation. — I know, she is in a hospital because of you! 

Kirishima crawled down the wall and covered her head with the hands. She was trembling all over, afraid to even move, because she knew that, having angered her beloved, she could lose him. The girl understood it perfectly, but still put Ishi-san in danger by adding a laxative to her food. May only wanted to teach a little lesson, and now it happened that no one would envy her fate.

— Tasuke-san, I … — Kirishima timidly raised her head and looked with fear in her eyes at her beloved. His lips tightened and he turned away. — I really didn't mean to! I messed up the ingredients!

— Go away, — the man grabbed May's arm and dragged her away from his apartment. — That was the last straw.

Kirishima flew out to the entryway and, hearing the door slam shut, burst into tears. The girl clung to the entrance to the apartment and began to beat the door with her fists, hoping for mercy from Tasuke. But he didn’t go out.

May got hysterical, causing her to hit the door even harder. Breaking her nails and thereby tearing upholstery, the girl tried to throw out all the emotions. But it didn’t end. On the other side of the door, Tasuke stood and clutched in his hand the T-shirt that May so sincerely wanted to get. The man understood that, having given the clothing away, he would no longer be able to get rid of the unnecessary problem that spoils not only his personal life, but also the health of his dear Ishi-san. 

— Tasuke-san, I love you! — Kirishima gathered her strength and hit the door with her whole body. Although a sharp pain pierced her shoulder right away, the girl tried to hold back a scream. — Sorry! I’ll never touch her again! Just let me be by your side!

The man threw the T-shirt to the side and walked away from the door so he couldn’t hear May. He was simply tired every time to forgive her antics, to deal with tantrums caused by the presence of Ishi. Tasuke went into the room where he sat on the sofa, took out the player and, putting his headphones in his ears, turned on loud music.

— Tasuke... San… — May fell to her knees and hugged herself with her arms and began to tremble. Anger gave way to despair, the girl was already unable to control herself.

Kirishima sat under the beloved’s door for several hours, listening to every sound. The neighbors passed by, but they only shrugged, thinking that the mother doesn’t allow to enter the house another schoolgirl. May finally decided to leave the waiting place when she realized that this made no sense. The girl got to her feet and, hanging on her shoulder a bag of textbooks, headed home.

The dark streets were filled with crowds of people who rushed home. The light was on in many windows, and the shops began to close gradually. Night Tokyo-2 reminded the girl of her cozy room on a rainy day. So warm and welcoming. Kirishima suddenly felt her heart tighten, and once again hugging herself with her arms, she accelerated her pace. She had already late for the train, so she had to travel a huge distance on foot, because of which May came home only at ten in the evening.

— May-chan, did you buy groceries? — mother met Kirishima right on the doorstep, but she fell into a stupor and shook her head. — What happened to your memory lately?

— Mom… — May looked down. — I... I'll definitely buy them tomorrow.

The girl dropped her bag on the floor and, having taken off her shoes, went to her room. But, opening the door, she noticed not the most pleasant surprise for her at the moment.

— Is the T-shirt like Tasuke-san’s?! — May felt her eyes fill with tears. — But where... Where did you get it?!

Kirishima’s mother smiled slightly and quietly, putting her hand on her daughter’s shoulder, said:

— Today I walked past a store with clothes and noticed it at the window. Great, isn't it?

Tears streamed down May's cheeks, and she, sitting on the bed, cried again, hugging herself with her arms. So she tried to protect herself from others, to receive the missing warmth. Kirishima's mother sat next to her daughter and hugged her carefully.

— We quarreled, and now forever, — Kirishima raised her head and, sobbing, looked at her mother. — He said he won’t forgive me..

The mother hugged May and began to gently pat her on the back, trying to calm her down. The girl continued to sob, no longer in control of herself. Tears dripped onto the sheets, leaving wet traces. Kirishima pulled away slightly from her mother and, looking at the T-shirt, forced a smile.

— I... I have to talk to him, — the girl gathered her thoughts and squeezed her gray skirt. — But I'll let him to cool down a bit. Today I have done too much.

May's mother nodded and, getting out of bed, left the room. Kirishima again was left alone with her own thoughts. This day was eventful, which she should digest and consider her further actions. Yes, she had loved Tasuke for almost two years, and during this time she was refused more than once. But the girl didn’t want to give up. Her goal was to make the man happy, although he was against it.

“If I leave you, would you be happy?" — May went to the window and looked at the night city from the 8th floor. The girl had a fear of heights, so usually she tried to stay as far from the windows as possible, but the only thing that could calm her now was the magnificent view of Tokyo-2 at night. — "Tasuke-san, I love you too much to leave you alone! Especially with that bitch..."

Kirishima exhaled noisily and glanced at the switched on smartphone. She had a desire to get in touch with her friends to tell about what had happened, but she understood that now she had better come to her senses. May went to the shower, where for a long time she thought about her future plans. She categorically did not want to leave Tasuke, because she believed that it was only in her power to make him happy. After standing under warm water for about an hour, Kirishima finally left the bathroom. Her mother had been sleeping for a long time, so the girl had a very quiet dinner and went to her room to do her homework. But even then, disturbing thoughts did not leave her.

“I need to write to him...” — May took the phone in her hands and immediately was angry seeing the message from Isha on the screen. — "What does she want?!"

_"I know what you did today. Tasuke-kun told me in great detail. If you come close to him again, I will pull out all your hair."_

"What the?!" — May immediately dropped the phone. Her whole body was covered with goosebumps, and her hands trembled so much that the girl couldn’t hold objects. She wanted to hide from the whole world and never contact people again. — "I hate ... I hate you!"

Kirishima turned off the light and crawled under the blanket, her nose poked in a soft pillow. She tried to calm down, to imagine that everything was fine: as if nothing had happened, and Tasuke-san didn’t hate her. But she understood that this wasn’t the truth. The girl closed her eyes, driving away bad thoughts, and for the thousandth time began to think about what would happen if she were a little older and smarter. It helped her to gradually fall into a deep sleep, where her beloved was next to her, who pressed her to him, stroking her curly hair.

As soon as May opened her eyes in the morning, an incident suddenly surfaced in her memory. An unpleasant sensation appeared in her chest, and the girl began to feel sad again. She held out her hand and, taking the phone, began to check PM. Her long-time good friend, who lived in Tokyo-3, said that she was on holidays now and would like to have a little walk with Kirishima. She immediately agreed, but remembered that the mother might not let her go alone.

— Mom, — May carefully entered her mother's room. The rays of the sun had already penetrated through the window to her, so the woman didn’t sleep, — Violet called me to visit. Can I go?

The girl hid her hands behind her back, waiting for another failure. And so it happened. Kirishima-san, as always, said that in Tokyo-3 it was unsafe and her daughter was too young to travel somewhere herself. May nodded sadly, agreeing with her mother's words and, taking the phone, wrote to her friend.

“Don’t worry, I heard that there will be no more Angels attacks,” — Violet sent the most encouraging message in the last couple of days. — “This was the last. Especially in Tokyo-3. Who knows, suddenly someone is attacking Tokyo-2 and there’s no such good defense!”

May thought for a couple of seconds and dragged her phone, showing a message from her friend to mother. Kirishima-san looked at her daughter incredulously and, straightening her hair, replied:

— And if something happens? Why can't she come to you herself? — the woman squinted. — Tokyo-3 is the closed city. It is unlikely that you will get there as you could before. Especially one.

— What if you come with me? — May made a puppy look and pressed her hands to her chest. — I beg you! I don’t want to be in Tokyo-2 anymore, because... The air is too dirty here... And...

Kirishima-san guessed the girl's true intentions and covered her face with her hand, realizing that she could not dissuade her. The woman just snorted in displeasure and said that she would find train tickets in a couple of days. May's eyes shone with joy and she hugged her mother, who clearly didn't expect that. The woman smiled slightly and took out a phone, started to find information about the state of Tokyo-3 and all that it involves.

May was a late and only child of Kirishima-san, so she values her so much that even doesn’t want to let go for a single step. It seemed to her that this world craves to hurt her daughter, to take away from woman the last hope for the best. She was always worried that if May stayed in school or didn’t answer the phone for the first time. There was only one person whom trust forever anxious mother, Tasuke-San. With him she could leave her daughter, because she knew that he wouldn't hurt her. Sometimes the woman could yell at May. But all these actions were caused by fear of losing dear to her heart. Kirishima-san for obvious reasons wasn’t going to let a young girl in an unfamiliar city, especially the Scarecrow that shortly before the invitations in Tokyo-3 was carried out military actions aimed at the destruction of the so-called Angels. The woman could release the daughter to a friend's for the night in the neighbouring house, but now they talked about going to another, entirely new and dangerous place.

— Thank you! I swear I won't let you down! — sometimes, when there were such moments, May was one of the happiest people on the planet. She wanted to cry, to joy and to share their feelings with others. Thoughts about meeting Violet at least a little distracted her from a broken heart. — I heard that in Tokyo-3 there are very good universities. I'd like to see them…

— Do you understand that I will worry about you? — Kirishima-san took her daughter by the wrist, but she abruptly pulled her hand away and closed her eyes, feeling unbearable pain. — What happened?

May smiled faintly and, looking away, began to laugh it off, as if she was in pain again due to a gentle touch. Everyone knew that the girl had a negligible pain threshold. It was not so easy to live with it, because every scratch hurt very badly and felt as if it were an open wound. The funny thing was that the bruises and various injuries on the skin of Kirishima healed very quickly, although they brought her enough discomfort.

— I understand. But you know Violet’s mom. She is a very good woman, — May began to rub her wrist, mentally asking only one question: “He surely didn’t break anything to me yesterday?” — She will call you every hour if you wish.And I can send you photos and videos so you don’t worry.

— Then I will personally bring you to her parents, okay? — the woman smirked, but deep down her panic began to increase. She understood that her daughter could be in danger if another Angel appeared in Tokyo-3.— Don't you to want to breathe with Tasuke-kun in the same air?

A nervous laugh burst from May's lips. Her plan was declassified. But she wanted to escape from Tokyo-2 not only for this reason. The girl believed that in the new city she would feel much more comfortable. A sense of freedom inspired her to something beautiful.Kirishima nodded, letting her mother know that she had guessed, although she wasn’t going to reveal the whole truth, so she immediately grabbed the phone and sent her friend a positive answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was hard... To be honest, my friends and I are trying to translate my story into English from Russian, but it is very difficult. If someone can help, please let me know!


	2. In search of beauty

— I'm not sure your friends will accept me, — May held the phone by her shoulder and, laughing, talked to Violet. She already had tickets to Tokyo-3, so she packed her bags to get up early and leave immediately. She didn't really like to get ready from the evening, but the prospect of spending extra time gathering in the morning made her less happy. — You know I'm a little... I don't get along with people. 

Kirishima almost dropped her phone when she folded up her pink shirt and put it in her suitcase. Gadget got tangled up in the girl's hair so she could catch it. When she heard the laughter on the other side of the screen, May smiled too, and pinned the phone to her ear. Talking to Violet always helped her calm down. With her, the girl felt ease and was sure she could share absolutely anything. 

— Did you know you could see the Evangelion’s pilots alive?! - Violet yelled enthusiastically into the tube, which gave May the creeps on her back. — They're fighting for us... 

— Yes, I heard, — Kirishima put black pants in her suitcase and held them down with her hand. — But I'm not going to Tokyo-3 for them, dear. 

May knew that such statements could embarrass her friend, so when she shut up for a second, the girl giggled quietly. She liked to please Violet with such little things. Once she even tried to embarrass Tasuke-san, calling him "beloved," but he only coldly measured Kirishima look and didn’t respond to anything. 

Love. What do people mean by that word? Support? Loyalty? Understanding? It was all definitely in Kirishima, and yet there was something else in her supply. Incredible obsession and attempts to attract the attention of the object of adoration. May, like a child, could start crying as long as Tasuke-san turned his attention to her. Sometimes it would lead to them fighting. The girl was afraid that their good relationship would end, but the man forgave her. Always. Because he knew she was still young, so she didn't understand a lot. 

At one time, these two didn't even know about each other. May lived a normal life with a passion for drawing, and Tasuke was a musician. One day, the girl heard a great guitar playing as she was coming home. In the middle of a busy street stood the long-haired man with a group of other musicians entertaining people. The music inspired Kirishima and the next day the girl brought to the same place some drawings of Tasuke and his comrades. The man appreciated the young listener's efforts and they exchanged numbers. 

The friends talked almost every day. Most of the time, they called at night. For the most part, Tasuke tried to make the eternally sad May laugh, and he always succeeded. The girl would laugh and forget about everything. All she wanted to do was hear his voice and rejoice when he called her by her name gently once again. 

A couple of months later, Kirishima realized that she was beginning to fall in love. She was attracted by the timbre of Tasuke's voice and the fact that he spent a lot of time with her. His birthday was approaching, so the girl decided to confess to him, but due to lack of courage she could only do it the next morning. Then Tasuke gently rejected May and began to move away from her gradually so as not to hurt her more. But it was already too late. 

Kirishima literally started going crazy because of her feelings. She had never felt this way before and didn't even know what to do with it. Because of her mother's restraints, the girl had practically no contact with anyone, so she tried to learn the unknown for herself. She was not explained that it was wrong, to say the least, to restrict the freedom of the other person, let alone to watch his every action. May assumed it was okay, so she kept bothering Tasuke with her childish requests and the stupidest of requests. In the end, he got tired of it. 

— Violet, — Kirishima finally got herself together, — I deliberately wanted to disable her. 

The girl squeezed herself in anticipation of her friend's condemnation, but she only exhaled noisily into the microphone. She understood that May now needed support, but still, contradictory feelings didn’t let her praise such an act, let alone tell Kirishima that she had made a mistake. Either way, Violet could only make it worse, so she chose to keep quiet. 

"I hate Ishi! I hate her!" — May again immersed herself in her thoughts when her gaze caught on a hanging T-shirt. — "I wish she was dead!"

The girl suddenly twitched, afraid of her own desires, and the memories came back with renewed force. Ishi-san came into Tasuke’s life all of a sudden. It was as if she had come out of nowhere to help a man overcome the depression caused by breaking up with his ex. May knew everything that was going on in her lover's life and always tried to be there for her, even though he didn't appreciate it. To some extent, Kirishima was just a child for him to be properly brought up, but she thought otherwise. That's why, when Ishi came, little May immediately became jealous of her and got hysterical. 

— How could you?! Am I a joke to you? Don't I mean anything? — May was clutching the drawings she'd brought for Tasuke. The girl’s wet palms were wrinkled, and the markers, pencils and pens leaked. — Why her?! Why not me? 

— You know the answer perfectly well, May-chan, — the man sighed a sad sigh and looked into the eyes of his ward. — You're too... Young for me, silly. 

It was the first time Kirishima had felt a burning pain in her chest. She wanted to scream, but then she knew she'd gotten too sick of Tasuke-san with ostentatious hysterics, and he'd think it was one of them. So she waited until she was alone with herself and cried quietly. Ishi took the most precious thing from her. The one who gave May hope for the best. Someone who could only calm the girl down with one thing — "May-chan, I'm here for you." It was all lost in seconds. And Kirishima blamed everything on Ishi, so she decided to put a laxative in her food the first chance she got. 

Her rival went to the hospital a couple of days ago with poisoning and hasn't been in touch with Tasuke all this time. But it seems like she got better yesterday. In her mind, a message came up, which made May jerk off. She wasn't afraid of Ishi. Most of all, she didn't want to lose someone she loved. That's why the message made her nervous.

— May-chan! — Violet's voice ripped the girl out of her mind. — Are you okay? Did you and Tasuke-san talk? 

— Ah... No, not yet, — May touched the T-shirt on the hanger with her fingertips. — I plan to contact him after I get back. I want to give him a little break from me. 

May's mother walked into May's room and gave her the phone. There was an article on the screen saying that Tokyo-3 was recently destroyed by one of the Angels. The fear of something happening to her daughter made Kirishima-san change her mind about her decision. May pointed at the suitcase and then, frowning, turned on the speakerphone.   
— Tell me what Tokyo-3's condition is now, — the girl stared at her mother, waiting for Violet to answer. — Can other citizens get in there? 

Kirishima's friend thought for a second and then answered. She knew that May's near future depended on her words, so she tried to pick out the words as delicately as possible: 

— We've been renovating for a long time, but now all the roads are open, — Violet coughed. — Tokyo-3 is completely safe. And even more so now we live in one of the best areas.

Kirishima-san held the towel that had hanged on her shoulder before and looked away. She still had doubts about this trip to another city. The woman wanted May to distract herself from Tasuke and not get depressed because of him, but the desire to keep the girl close to him increased with every second. The belief that everything would be all right didn't help, because Kirishima-san thought her daughter was not self-sufficient, and it seemed to her that she could get into trouble on the first day. 

— Promise me that you will return immediately if the Angel attacks in Tokyo-3 will happen again, — her mother put her palm on May's head, on which she smiled and nodded.

— I'll only be there for three days. Do you think anything will happen in that time? — Kirishima hung up and hugged her mother carefully so she wouldn't worry. — I don't think anything terrible can happen to me... Imagine that I want to move to Tokyo-3!

The girl laughed loudly as she pulled away from her mother, and then looked at her frightened expression. The woman finally began to realize that her closest person is growing up and striving for independent life. She sighed a sad sigh and, squeezing out her smile, laughed:

— At least go away for good. I wouldn't miss you, — Kirishima-san understood that these words sounded rude and, coughing up, added: — Okay. I will.

May nodded and, returning to her suitcase, buttoned it up. Violet invited her friend over just a week ago, but it was an incredibly long time for the girl. Kirishima was only upset that the vacation at her current school was not soon, so she could only stay with her friend on the weekend and Monday of the following week. This didn't make the girl very happy, and she even started to get a little jealous of Violet, who studied in Tokyo-3, where battles were constantly taking place, and because of this the class was often canceled.

Kirishima loved learning, but hated getting up too early to get to a place where only her favorite math teacher was waiting for her. Recently, May's grades have deteriorated due to the constant stress of her relationship with Tasuke-san, but despite this, she tried to correct them, though she couldn't always respond to a firm "A". What's more, the girl had a penchant for exact sciences and an interest in foreign languages, so she always had to pull up her history grades at the end of the quarter. This time she didn't have the strength to do even that.

At night, May still dared to respond to Ishi's message. After rereading it several times, the girl noted to herself that the rival seemed to be in perfect order. Kirishima's original plan was to slip a laxative to teach her beloved Tasuke, but the dose the girl had chosen was much more than necessary. She expected it to lead to more deplorable consequences, and then she would have to start plan "B" to say that May hadn't washed enough of the vegetables she had made salad for Ishi. At that moment, the girl had no idea that her lover would know the truth.

_"Tasuke-san will be mine someday anyway. You don't even deserve to be with him! You're so nasty that you complain to me the first chance you get, even though you're almost twice as old. I wish next time I didn't die of something worse."_

Kirishima reread the message for her opponent several times, but suddenly she thought. Now she was trying to calculate how much her relationship with Tasuke, if the girl's lies were to be revealed, could be ruined. Unwilling to bury herself deeper, May deleted what she had written and went to bed to take her mind off her obsessions. 

The alarm clock ripped May out of her deep sleep at half past five in the morning. The girl jumped up, grabbed her heart and looked around frightened. She thought for a moment that Tasuke-san was standing next to her, but she shook her head immediately, trying to wake up completely. Feeling wet marks on her cheeks, Kirishima realized that she seemed to be crying in her sleep. Unfortunately, she couldn't remember what exactly the reason was.

Literally an hour later, May was pulling her mother's hand to the train. The girl's heart was beating with incredible strength. She had felt this way before because of tachycardia caused by lack of sleep, but now she added a pleasant excitement. Every step of the whiskey pulsed more often, everything blurred before her eyes. Kirishima couldn't even her breath. It was difficult for her to get air into her lungs, and she practically suffocated. The brain was producing endorphins at that moment, which helped May not fall in the middle.

The girl only calmed down a little when she took her seat. She quickly stuck her suitcase under the seat and hung up her backpack, which was hanging behind her the rest of the time. Kirishima's mother sat next to her, starting to fall asleep. She would have been able to do it if her daughter hadn't flinched after every loud sound, while shaking the chairs. The woman soon couldn't stand it and grabbed May's wrist, which was still a little sore, she said:

— Either you calm down, or we are not going anywhere, — the words at the same moment calmed Kirishima, after which she, nodding, stared out the window, so as not to miss anything on the train track. 

At last the carriage moved, and May pressed herself into the seat. At first Tokyo-2 was visible in the window, and then gradually it was replaced by the trees left after the disaster. As far as Kirishima knew, she had to drive about three or four hours to Tokyo-3, so she could take a little nap to get off the train with new strength when he arrived at the destination, but the thought that the girl might miss something important made her look out the window almost without blinking. 

Time was crawling like a snail, and Kirishima was already tired of clinging to the monotonous trees, when suddenly the train started to stop. Passengers gradually woke up. It seemed that they were ready for something that May didn't know about. Suddenly a strange man in a black suit came inside the train. He'd walk up to each people, checking his/her ticket, documents, and make him/her show all the things in his/her suitcase. The excited Kirishima was calmed by the voice of the man sitting behind her, who whispered: 

— Why are we, simple citizens, constantly being checked? It feels like Tokyo-3 is a closed area, not an ordinary city. Even the natives can be searched head-to-toe.

May swallowed her saliva loudly and laughed quietly. Only now she realized she might not get out of town with a snap of her fingers. Soon the inspector came to her with her mother and, without finding anything suspicious, went on. It took about half an hour to check up, but during this time Kirishima managed to get pretty nervous.


End file.
